Fighting Robots, Racing Dinosaurs: Ranking 15 Sports To Watch On ‘ESPN8: The Ocho...

Read more: See here

The Excel sheets will be booted up. The stairs will get sufficiently slippery. Cotton McKnight and Pepper Brooks will take the call. Our refrain of " wait … this is a sport? " will see unprecedented usage across the next few days.

" ESPN8: The Ocho " becomes a reality this weekend, from July 31 through Aug. 3. Various ESPN networks are broadcasting humanity's strangest, most surreal organized competitions. Though it started as a throwaway joke in the 2004 comedy "Dodgeball," this D-list sports programming block is now a marathon of decidedly real events.

Are they worth tuning in for? I personally wouldn't advise anyone of sound mind to watch all 65 hours of goat racing, stone tossing and roofballing … lest you wind up looking like a patient of The Ludovico Technique .

That being said, there are oddities and hidden gems worth checking out, whether to get a good laugh or find a new favorite novelty.

These are my personal rankings for "The Ocho" slate, determined by the ultra-scientific method of what sounds the coolest. For the readers who disagree with the picks, well , "I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you thought that I think that I thought that I was once."

Here's my Don Draper-style pitch for this thing: dogs on surfboards.

Boom, that's it. By your thunderous applause, it seems that I've landed it, though the offering totally sells itself. This annual event goes down at California's Linda Mar Beach, a scenic enclave by the Pacific Ocean, and it supports the local humane society and dog rescue mission. There are different weight classes, fetch contests and a tandem heat with the owners.

Last year's overall winner was Cacau , a valiant chocolate Labrador; your correspondent here is especially partial to the fearless Delilah , a Cavalier King Charles who tied for first among small dogs in 2023. It's in the ideal time slot for decompressing after a loud night out, or drifting into sleep after a long workweek.

No need to tiptoe around it: We all thought this was going to be a sci-fi battlefield thing. While the event runs sans-"Blade Runner," with nary a single replicant in sight, this robo-combat is still charming in its ingenuity and inclusivity. The NHRL houses engineers, students and hobbyists together. They design robots with inventive attacks and defenses, then unleash their creations in the ring.

This league is about learning from mistakes and embracing scientific experimentation. Good vibes abound — along with fire and broken glass .